Donnybrook at the Not O.K. Corral

words of anger, hurt and resentment have passed.

TB and I have said to Linda we didn't want her putting the TV on all day for herself and Little T to watch, particularly when it's Sponge Bob. I happen to enjoy Sponge Bob once in a while but it's no way to stimulate a little boy with PDD. She doesn't listen. Maybe we need to buy a $54 dollar switch for the TV so that she can't turn it on when we're not around--or even if we're there.

Then there were some words about how she needs to be a more connected parent, in tune with her child's needs and interacting with him, encouraging him to build on the skills that he has and to us his words. It can't all be Nana and Pop-Pop's doing, the mother has to be involved.

And then there's the mega mooching issue. TB was upset, granted, when he said to Linda, "I don't want you to watch our TV period!", but he meant it.

That was supposed to be part of the plan to "emancipate" these adult kids. Originally we meant to start with no TV when Tomas is awake--play with the boy, interact with him, read to him, encourage him. Then we were going to move to no TV for you at all. Susan, our therapist, said we had to find something that she likes and withdraw it to make her uncomfortable enough to want to move.

It's like poking a hibernating bear. Poke, poke, poke when all it wants to do is lie there and what happens?

Last night, after Little T was in bed, Linda comes down and turns on the TV. TB and I had retreated to our sanctuary, our room at the back of the house where we are pretty much insulated from sound unless someone comes barging in. We discussed the issue briefly and TB said, "I don't want to deal with any conflicts tonight." I can understand how he feels. Believe me, I already have too much agita.

It was about 11:30 at night when Linda came to the door because Kristin wouldn't leave her alone. They proceeded to start yelling and I forcibly moved forward to get them back down the hall and into the living room so that TB wouldn't hear the commotion. Kristin realized that Linda was watching TV, knew TB didn't want her to and was giving her hell.

Linda's first response was what are you talking about and why are you treating me this way?

So then I said your doesn't want you watching the TV--he told you that last night. He didn't say anything when you turned it on because he just couldn't deal with the stress.

So Linda says to Kristin, so why are you involved? This is none of your business.

And Kristin went off on her with all the anger she'd been bottling up: Linda doesn't help, she just sits and watches TV all the time with the little one, she doesn't take care of him, she doesn't take care of her responsibilities, creditors call the house all the time, she owes us money for paying to keep her car from being repossessed and we've paid some of her medical bills and what has she given back in return and on and on and on.

And Linda just yelled back, what business is it of yours? It's not your business.

Which only inflamed Kristin further. I care about Mom and Ted and this is hurting their health and you don't care and we could lose this house, well, I don't want to lose it and if you're not going to help us keep it then you should get out and on and on.

Brings back memories of my childhood. There is nothing worse than a fight like this around the holidays. Somehow all the pent up rage and resentment over unresolved issues just pours forth like gravy over the holidays. I wonder why that is?

Of course, nothing was resolved. Heidi was in the family room in the back, shaking with anxiety and rage, not wanting to get dragged into the middle. Billy came out to try and play peacemaker and so I retreated to the family room because I could not be neutral. I felt all my anger and resentment toward her surging forth too and so I sat with Heidi and comforted her and told her she didn't have to take sides. Deep breathing, deep breathing.

Billy finally got everyone calmed down to the point where I was no longer thinking the oldest and the youngest were going to duke it out with their fists.

To my horror, though, a new plan grows in the mind of the Mega Mooch. Having run through all the friends and families she has, she's fixing her sites on a new victim, or victims. Billy mentioned that when Linda gets her own apartment in February, the cost is $725--and if he and Heidi went in it with her, they could carry it easily.

I was horrified. I told him that Linda has mooched off everyone her whole life and that she would do the same to him and to Heidi. All Billy has to do is ask Ted, ask Michele, ask Kennan, ask Linda's Aunt Lynn and Uncle John, and her ex-friends who've all thrown her out for mega mooching.

I couldn't get to sleep until 4 a.m. and when I woke up it was the first thing on my mind.