I Am A Turkey Club

Kosmo sez, Why for does Mommy say her is a turkey club? Her doesn't gobble nor haffs any feathers nor tastes like turkey. And her doesn't look like a club, which is hard. Her is soft.

Mommy's explanation: A turkey not only refers to the delcious when cooked properly Thanksgiving bird we stuff ourselves with every 4th Thursday of November, it also refers to a naive, inept or stupid person.

And what is a club sandwich? Well, normally that's a nice sized sandwich you make with 3 pieces of bread or toast. Layered between the slices would be lettuce, tomato, cheese, and perhaps some of that delicious left over turkey.

But a club sandwich has another meaning too and more of us boomers are being confronted with it every day.

The way it used to be: You grow up in a loving family, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins live nearby, you get married, you have your own kids, they grow up and go off on their own, get married, have their own kids and everyone lives happily ever after within a few miles of each other. There's a whole army of family members to look after Grandma and Grandpa when they begin to fail. You are content: your kids are grown and on their own, you see your grandchildren often, you get to travel and do everything you've waited to do while you raised your kids.

The way it seems to be now: You grow up, get married, have kids, send them off to college, they come back to live with you, get married (or not), have children and bring the kids back to live with you. Meanwhile, your parents live an hour away and all your siblings (if you have any) have moved across the country. Now your parents begin to fail and need to move in with you too. Or something like that. Your adult children can't or won't make it on their own and you are being crowded out of your own house. You sell your house to get away from everyone and spend the rest of your life feeling guilty.

The way it is now--that's called the sandwich generation. That's all us people who used to adjust to empty nests with not such heavy hearts, got to see the grandkids frequently, travelled, took up hobbies, etc etc etc.

I guess it wouldn't be so bad if there weren't so many freeloaders trying to bring us down.

I was talking to my brother this afternoon. He's bearing most of the burden of my parents' failing health and growing needs. I don't want him to have to handle this alone and so we've agreed to get together maybe next weekend and convince my parents that they would very much enjoy an assisted living community. They are almost at the point where they need almost constant care but they are still fairly independent. I don't anticipate having a problem with talking them into it.

The bigger strain is coming from the three adults still living in our house. Okay, two of them are in college and can't really be expected to work full time yet. The oldest, though, is 26, a single mother and a totally unrepenting deadbeat ne'er-do-well. If it wasn't for her son, our beloved little T, we would not put up with this drain on our resources. See, they are a drain. TB isn't able to work and my income is limited. We are almost totally through our savings.

The youngest college kid is the only one who tries to help. She kicks in what she can...and then usually has to borrow it back because she doesn't make much and needs money for gas. The older college kid has some wild ideas about making lots of money as a magician--sweet dreams that haven't materialized yet. Today I said to him, well, you may not have a home for the spring semester nor a car to drive either.

We've been cutting back. The next step is to return the car TB leased and then we'd just use my car--it's paid for. That happens to be the car older college kid is using to go to and from school...oh well, guess he'll have to start thumbing a ride, huh? Younger college kid started looking for a newer job because her employer( a grocery store) has cut back her hours and she needs every penny she can get.

As for the ne'er-do-well, well, what is the point of even going there? When she does work, she doesn't contribute and doesn't keep up with even her own bills. When she doesn't, nothing changes except for the amount of dunning phone calls they get. I don't care if her car gets re-possessed and I don't care if she ever gets another job. It makes no difference in terms of help for us.

So if the bottom line is that we have to sell the house, these adults are going to wish they'd been contributing and trying to help all along. Wait until they see what the rents are and the cost of food and electricity and everything else. And the landlord won't give money back because they're low on gas.

So it's pretty clear why I call myself a club sandwich because I am in the middle between my parents and the adult kids and grandchild. But why a turkey? Because I feel like I was a real turkey to let it get like this, to allow the freeloading malingerer back into the house and to not have taught my kids better about being good roommates.

Kosmo sez: Oh, I geddit now.

Want more cat blogging and happier news? Try these:

Blogging Cat Noos, Friday Ark and the cat lovers' blogs on my sidebar.

This weekend:

Weekend cat blogging at The House of the Mostly Black Cats

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos at The Mind of Mog, where the optional theme is whiskers or ears and

Carnival of the Cats, hosted this Sunday by Wonkitties