Wednesday Sundries

Not a jack-in-the-box...

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SUDDENLY SENIOR'S 3RD ANNUAL "OLDER THAN DIRT" TRIVIA QUIZ
Yet Another Chance to Prove
That Your Memory's (Somewhat) Intact
By Frank Kaiser

1. During WW II, what was a Victory Garden?

a. The top floor of Madison Square Garden
b. House plants you could win with S&H Green Stamps
c. A home garden to raise food for family and friends

2. What would "A little dab 'll do ya" do?

a. A dab of Brylcreem would keep your hair in place like
car grease
b. A little dab of Ovaltine in milk would turn you into
Capt. Midnight
c. Rumor was that a dab of Spanish fly would do it, but
no one ever knew for sure

3. Sears used to be called _________, _________ and Co.?"

a. Girdles, Corsets and Co.
b. Cheap, Cheaper and Co.
c. Montgomery Ward and Co.
d. Sears, Roebuck and Co.

4. What was duck and cover?

A. Hunting fowl during the Great Depression
b. A drill for school children, for use in case of atomic
attack
c. A ducktail haircut toupee

5. The oldest man in the US died recently at 113. To what
did he attribute his long life?

a. Giving up cigars at age 97
b. Never marrying
c. Brussels sprouts and chocolate

6. What was the "party line" with which many of us grew up?

a. "Your place or mine?"
b. Telephone lines shared by several homes, or parties
c. "A chicken in every pot."


7. What postwar auto was said to not know whether it was
coming or going?

a. '48 Tucker
b. '53 Henry J.
c. '51 Studebaker

8. What wasn't delivered to homes in the US in the 1940s?

a. Prescriptions
b. Ice
c. Milk
d. Pizza

9. What color were flash bulbs for use with color film?

a. Pink
b. Blue
c. Plaid

10. What was the average life expectancy in the US 100
years ago?

a. 60
b. 23
c. 47
d. 78

11. You know you've grown old when...?

a. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any
of them
b. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question
c. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good
stuff"
d. All of the above

12. When you put your right foot out, and shake it all
about, what are you doing?

a. Throwing out your back
b. Going for a Section 8
c. The Hokey-Pokey

Want the answers? Just check out Hump Day Humor first!


Hump Day Humor #8: ~Taxes/Tax Time~

A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper."
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.
Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma.
"Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice: 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.
The man protested, "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"
"No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed."

And the answers to the quiz above:


1. c) Victory gardening enabled more food supplies to be
shipped to our troops around the world.
2. a) "Brylcreem, a little dab'll do ya! Brylcreem, you
look so debonair! The gals will all pursue ya. They'll love to get
their fingers in your hair..."
3. d) Sears, Roebuck and Co. was named in 1893. It is said
that Roebuck, a watchmaker, disappeared when he objected to customers
using catalogs for toilet paper.
4. b) A drill for school children. Today's equivalent is
Tom Ridge's plastic and duct tape.
5.. a) John McMorran quit cigars at 97, and got 16 years
more of life.
6. b) Telephones were great neighborhood entertainment in
the days when each home on the party line had a unique ring and the
phones of every subscriber on the line rang at the same time. It was
great sport to listen in to the conversations of everyone on the
line.
7. c) The '51 Studebaker had so muc h glass in the rear,
folks were concerned that other drivers wouldn't know front from
back.
8. d) Pizza.
9. b) Blue flashbulbs were used with color film, daylight
balanced.
10. c) In 1903 the average life expectancy was 47. Only 8
percent of homes had a telephone, and the average wage was 22 cents
an hour. Remember?
11. d. All of the above.
12. c) You're dancing the Hokey-Pokey. In 1953, bandleader
Ray A nthony bought the rights and recorded The Hokey Pokey on the B-
side of another novelty record, The Bunny Hop .*


10 - 12 correct: You are not only older than dirt, but
smart as a buggy whip. Now if you could only remember yesterday.
7 - 9 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but your mind is
definitely dusty.
0 - 6 correct: You are a sad excuse for an old coot. Redeem
yourself. Wear yellow pants or let your ear hairs grow into a comb-
over.