Thursday Thirteen and a bad day!

Thursday 13

I got this idea because I just finished Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King and just started his 11/22/63.

Thirteen Favorite Stephen King novels

Pretend all these titles are underlined. It's too much work for me today! ;)

1. The Stand
2. It
3. Salem's Lot
4. Dolores Claiborne
5. Hearts In Atlantis
6. Green Mile
7. The Shining
8. The Talisman
9. The Black House
10. Carrie
11. Needful Things
12. The Eyes of the Dragon
13. Bag of Bones

Getting back to Full Dark, No Stars, Stephen King delivered four short stories of one type of horror or another. He always delivers, even though I think his writing has changed since he was hit by that van and nearly killed. I'm a devoted fan of his earlier books, which appear on the list above.

I wonder what kind of book King would write if he wrote about us.

This has just been one of those days.

It's raining so TB is in excrutiating pain.

He started to chew one of our bariatric supplements for omega three. These chews used to be soft and now they're hard like rocks. One of the caps on his teeth came out. I put my chew back because that's all I need. We don't have dental coverage and won't get any until January 1.

The last time this happened, over a year ago, TB glued the cap back in himself over and over. It worked for months and then he accidentally swallowed it and we couldn't afford a new cap. So now that tooth has been sitting there uncapped. This time we'll rob Peter to pay Paul to have the dentist glue it back in. Hopefully it will stay put permanently or at least until we can get the insurance.

I had an appointment to see the kidney specialist this morning. I'd scheduled it for soon after Kristin's class started and figured I'd be back in time for the last class to end 3 hours later. Okay, you guessed it. I waited an hour in the waiting room before being called back and then went through a lot of rigamarole only to have the doctor barely look at me, order up a bunch of tests and say repeatedly I should've been sent to an endocrinologist. I got out 15 minutes before Kristin's class ended and it's a half hour drive to the school. I was aggravated and frustrated and majorly stressed out.

The sound on our TV isn't working. We don't know why.

I forgot to take a chicken out for dinner last night so I took it out around six this morning. It's still frozen. I put it into a sink of cold water. Think it'll be thawed enough for me to cut it in an hour?

With the way today's been going, I doubt it. :P

Snow in October

Now I know there are places where snow in October is the norm...but it ain't around here. Today TB and I made our shopping run after dropping Kristin off at her class and Heidi off at work. It was pouring down rain and cold. When we got out of Walmart, the rain drops were fat and heavy and I suspected the dreaded *snow* was mixed in. After Shoprite, we were sure. We were getting ice pellets and hearing reports of accumulating snow in northern Jersey. Sigh.

I love snow. I do. But I love it in winter, not in fall or spring! Who wants to see the little kid trick-or-treaters running around in heavy coats over their costumes? That's no fun! I also miss fall and spring weather. It seems like we get a few days of each and then the rest of the year is summer or winter.

I finally gave in and turned the heat on very low last night. I was hoping to hold out until November but the weather just didn't cooperate.

One benefit to the chilliness in the house: the cats all want to nap with us. I have pictures to share on Cats on Tuesday of various members of the gang. This afternoon I had Munchkin snuggled up under the covers, Mouse on top of the covers curled by my feet, and Kosmo and Cubby lying nearby and providing their own heat. It's like having space heaters all over the bed! :)

I wonder how the people at Occupy Philadelphia will fare. I know they want to stay no matter what the weather but today will definitely be a test. With the heavy rain, cold, and snow, if they can withstand this they may actually make it through colder weather. At this point, I think I would be a fair weather protestor and would pack my stuff up and go. My body ain't what it used to be.

TB still has pain and discomfort from the hernia surgery. I've been looking at his abdomen and the redness doesn't seem to be spreading but it's also not going away. I wonder if we should be contacting the surgeon but TB says we were to do that only if the redness was spreading. Fortunately, there is another appointment with Dr. Greenbaum on Wednesday so we'll see what he says!

Miscellaneous Stuff

Today TB is having hernia surgery. He's not allowed to eat or drink anything, not since midnight last night, and so he's pretty out of it. Originally we were supposed to go to the hospital at 9. TB was supposed to see his orthopedic doctor and had to cancel that appointment. Then around 7:30 the hospital called and changed the admission time to 11. It was really annoying because TB needed a refill of his pain medications.

It's so hard to watch him suffer. I'm helpless because there's nothing I can do. His tooth is especially causing a lot of agony and he'll chew a percocet and put it into the broken area. Sometimes that helps relieve the pain but not always. Then there is the chronic pain he has from busting his hump for an ungrateful employer all those years. Funny...you think you're doing the right thing by working hard but then you learn quick what a mistake it was when you get kicked to the curb after becoming disabled. I wish surgery would help the pain in TB's back but the doctors say it won't.

I think Occupy Philadelphia at least is becoming more organized and trying to set goals. I gave feedback about which issues I felt were most important and what I thought protestors ought to do about it. I hope they hear back from a lot of people. I really want to see this movement take off. One thing I would like to see is lobbying for healthcare for everyone. Poor people should be able to buy into a policy they can afford. I'd also like to see that fair trade act repealed--the one that gives credits to businesses allowing them to outsource. Even if we can't bring back the jobs already lost, let's save future jobs from going overseas. I've heard about another company laying off all their workers and setting up in the far East.

I heard the tail end of a story about a possible COLA for social security recipients--the first one in years--of about 3%. For a person now receiving about $1,000 a month it would mean an extra $30. Wow! With it, I can order a monthly supply of the bariatric vitamins TB and I need. Or we could get one half tank of gas. Something is better than nothing, which is what we've been having.

Speaking of bariatric surgery, TB and I had our annual visits with the surgeon and we're both doing great! I've lost 87% of my excess weight and TB 76%. My calcium was a little low so my PTH (thyroid) level was high. I need to take more calcium, no biggie. We both were low on Vitamin D so we need to boost the levels we take. No biggie, just means the vitamins will be a little more expensive.

Kristin decided to carry a double major. She met with an advisor to talk about what she needs to take to fulfill all the requirements. Kristin already had a schedule for herself mapped out for the near future and had questions written down so she wouldn't forget what to ask. I was really impressed with her organization!

Munchkin may be a bit of a bully but we still love her. One of the things I love most is when I nap or sleep. She will go under the covers and snuggle with me. I fall asleep stroking her fur. It's very soothing. The cats like to hang out on our bed. Many times we have five of them lounging around and it seems to be the one time they all get along!

Time to get ready to go to the hospital!

TB's shot cancelled :(

TB's been having terrible pain in his hip for months now. An x-ray showed some kind of floating body but no one could tell if it was in the hip joint or not. He had a shot of cortisone in his hip and the doctor used ultrasound to place it but it didn't help. He was sent for a cat scan and that test wasn't conclusive either. A surgeon who looked at it thought there might be a torn cartilage. Now, I don't get why fixing it wasn't the answer. The doctors wanted TB to have another cortisone shot, this time using a fluroscope machine.

His first appointment was scheduled for December 27 ... and we got 2 feet of snow dumped on us the day before. The appointment was rescheduled for today.

Just as we were getting ready to leave for Pennsylvania, though, the phone rang and my heart sank. We have to go to PA because apparently Medicare won't pay for the procedure at the surgery center in NJ. Thanks, Medicare! :P Anyway, the call was to tell us that the appointment had to be cancelled because "something came up". They'll call to reschedule it. That means TB has to wait longer and suffer some more before hopefully getting any relief at all.

I don't understand why pain isn't managed better for people. The doctors are reluctant and act like it's such a big deal ... like TB is just supposed to suck it up and deal with it. It's really hard to watch TB struggle with so much pain. Sometimes he breaks down and cries. Why can't the doctors be more compassionate? Don't they understand what a big deal it is to be put off and told to wait for help a little longer? Maybe if they were the ones suffering things would be different!

Men, Pain & Fibromyalgia

I've suspected for a while that TB might have fibromyalgia in addition to the joint and other related issues that causes him so much pain he can't sleep and the doctor needed to increase his meds.

Here is a fact that is very frustrating: men are not "supposed" to suffer with pain. They are "supposed" to suck it up and tough it out and go do whatever even if they are ready to drop because of agony. That makes me crazy. I can tell you times when we weren't able to go to some function and someone said something to the effect that TB should just tough it out.

And fibromyalgia? Hey, that's "a woman's thing". Guess what. No it isn't! There are websites out there with information about men and fibromyalgia like this one.

Men are raised to believe that men don’t cry. They are told to "shake it off" and to "take it like a man." Men fix things, men are the hunters, men are supposed to be the breadwinners, the head of the household. Men are inundated with these concepts from a very early age. Showing pain is showing weakness to so many men. Fibromyalgia does not shake off. Fibromyalgia does not give up. It does not stop for anyone, or anything.

Even TB's doctor, the one who increased the level of his really scary-heavy-duty-narcotic pain medication scoffs. He agreed to check the trigger points from head to waist. Although TB was sensitive in all those places, the doctor thinks TB's got neuropathy or that all this pain is from "the loss of all that weight". Right. The pain in his neck and skull is from weight loss. Suuuuuuuure.

Like me, TB's also experiencing this scary thing called fibrofog. I think of it as like having cotton-candy-in-the-brain. It doesn't happen all the time but when it does, it's really debilitating! Now, have this happen to a man who's already saddled with all these expectations about what a guy is supposed to think and feel and it's even more debilitating because now they're beating themselves up because it's happening. Grrrrr!

That's okay. We're going to a chronic pain management specialist, one who deals with fibromyalgia and one who can advise us the best way to manage all that pain.

And everyone else? We're doing the best we can. We're not pushing past the point of endurance and no more sucking it up either.

The last 10 days...

...have been really tough. I have piriformis syndrome, probably a result of the slipping disk problem I have in my lower back. It'd been getting worse over the last couple of weeks so I got the doctor to prescribe physical therapy for me, which should have started helping. Instead, I was in more pain the day after the session. I tried the stretching exercises anyway and then the pain & spasms were so bad that I couldn't stand up or walk. That was a day after I last posted.

I called the doctor back. I had an appt to see him July 27 but this couldn't wait. Unfortunately, he seemed to be totally booked up and I couldn't get squeezed in until the 24th, for crying out loud. Meanwhile, the doctor told me to take vicodin every 4 hours, use heat and rest. Because it was so painful to get up or walk, I just stayed in bed. I had my protein shakes, read books, watched a little TV, and played scrabble with Bill and didn't get up.

After nearly a week of this, a neighbor came over to visit. It turns out she's a massage therapist and knows about piriformis syndrome so she pressed down on the inflamed muscle/tendon and applied a lot of pressure. I got such relief from that--it was a real blessing! TB and Bill also applied the same kinds of pressure so I could get a little relief every day.

So I went to see the doctor on Friday and he prescribed valium to help relax the spasm. I'd wanted him to give me a shot to calm the area down but he couldn't. He needs some kind of -scope machine to guide him so he doesn't hit the sciatic nerve. Also, I seem to need some kind of pre-certification approval, grrr. As soon as I get that, I can get an appointment to get the shot I need.

The back is everything. If your back goes, you can't do anything and that's the truth!

The pain from this has been worse than childbirth and that is no lie or exaggeration.

On the up side:

I'm spending a lot of good quality time with family members, especially my son. TB and I usually do a lot of talking but not Bill and me. So we've been spending much more time together than we usually do and I like that a lot.

The cats have been attentive, climbing all over me which has really been kind of neat. Munchie is so sweet and has taken possession of TB and me. She's not thrilled with sharing us with the rest of the gang, LOL, but they are insistent on sharing the bed with us during the day.

I even lost more weight! Who'd'a thunk it???

Finally Feline Friday: Cats and Palm Leaves

Heidi came over to visit on Palm Sunday after we'd been to church and the cats were definitely interested in the palm leaves we'd brought home!



Want more cat blogging? Be sure to check out Blogging Cat Noos for all the latest and a listing of this weekend's carnivals!

I'm really worried about TB. He is in so much pain most of the time. He consulted with two doctors this week, one about his shoulder and one about his spine. In his shoulder, he has multiple tears in his muscles and ligaments, probably from some free-floating piece of something--could be arthritic material--that's been making tears every time it touches. He needs to get that fixed first because the surgery his back needs is so much more complicated.

The back surgeon says his spine may need to be fused. TB's not ready for all that yet. He wants to lose more weight first so that he won't shrink out of his brace (the one he'll need after surgery) but the surgeon says they have to keep an eye on the increasing weakness in his legs. :( Meanwhile they want TB to come in and have more epidural shots to see if they can "calm the area down" so he's not in so much agony all the time.

It just makes me want to cry. I've been praying and praying for him.

Sometimes it feels like a curse

Some days are truly overwhelming. Today we got a letter from the township declaring that we were in violation because we hadn't gotten a permit for electrical improvements we had done to the house around 2 years ago. The letter stated we were being fined $2000 and for every week we didn't pay, another $2000 would be added to the fine. The letter also said they could force us out of the home.

TB and I nearly had heart failure.

He called the electric company and within a half hour we found out that there is a permit but that we probably needed to have an inspection done of the work. The secretary reassured us not to worry; we'd done nothing wrong and they would handle it.

I am a quivering mess of nerves. I don't know how much more stress we can take. Even though it turns out this is all right there is still the enormous burden of the other problems we're carrying.

My mother said once that there was a curse on our family because my father is an atheist. A part of me knows that that is silly but another primitive superstitious part of me wonders if it's true.

I know we are not the only ones to face hard times but there is such an overwhelming amount of hard times here. It's not just the health it's also the finances and the possibility of losing our home and our car.

I woke up today and have been walking around with such a feeling of dread and doom. I hate feeling this way. I don't feel like doing anything because of this pervasive what's the use? emotional thing I have going on.

We saw another specialist for TB--this time at the Rothman Institute which is supposed to be renown for orthopedic care. Well, we were basically blown off there, too. The doctor said TB isn't a candidate for surgery in his opinion not only because of his weight but also because back surgery benefits the legs more than anything else and TB doesn't have a lot of leg involvement. The doctor told TB back surgery doesn't help all that much with back pain; often patients still have the same pain--sometimes it's worse! He also said that he felt TB had a 25% chance or less of going back to work.

Nice and encouraging, eh?

No wonder I feel so bad.

Roller coaster ride

If there is any one small consolation it's that TB and I are not alone on this roller coaster ride of financial disaster. We go up, we go down. We were up on Monday and Tuesday after meeting with JCHD, Jersey Counseling & Housing Development. The lady there looked at our ridiculous budget and still worked with us, talking to the mortgage company. We got a disability forbearance until the end of September, time for us to regroup and redo our finances. We have to show that we can afford our mortgage and our bills and still have money left over. A daunting task but we figured we could do it.


Now we are rocketing back down, after talking with someone at Consumer Credit. We'd hoped to enroll in their program but as soon as our expenses put us in the red, she told us we wouldn't qualify for the program. The alternatives would be selling the house or filing for bankruptcy, although the latter might not help us that much.

We need for TB's social security disability to be approved. Then he'll be able to collect his disability pension and then we can start approaching Consumer Credit Counseling again. We have to show that we can meet all our basic expenses first and then have money left over for bills.

This whole process is so scary. I felt hopeful up until I hung up with this woman from the CCC. Now I am feeling despair again. What if SSA doesn't come through by the end of September? I had to take an Ativan to calm myself down.

On top of it all, TB is suffering terribly. He couldn't sleep at all last night between the pain in his back and in his legs. We had to get our partial deposit back from the bariatric surgeon to help us meet expenses during this forbearance period. He really needs that surgery desperately by the practice will not accept just the insurance company's payment of $7000. They want their whole fee of $8000 odd dollars and it doesn't matter the circumstances. Thanks a lot, NJ Bariatrics. :P

TB is confused about what to do next and so am I. We can wait for the disability to kick in and then we could put the deposit down again so he can get the surgery. We could try a different doctor and start over again. The rollercoaster plunges down even further. When will it go up again?

It was like deja vu all over again

Now that TB's legs are feeling a little better, I feel like I can talk about this. I've sort of kept it bottled up for what will become obvious reasons.

In 2001, my first husband Rich was hospitalilzed in April. His health, which had been more or less stable since his heart surgery in 1987, had begun declining about a year earlier. He was in constant pain. He had a fallen arch already and we learned that his knee needed to be replaced...but he needed to lose weight first. Does this sound familiar? Anyway, he was working on losing the weight when he began to have episodes of atrial fibrillation and had to go into the hospital.

Once he got out of the hospital, he was sleeping almost completely around the clock--even at work. They liked him so much there though they tolerated it. He got himself a cane and a handicap sticker for the car although he was almost ashamed of both...he was used to doing everything on his own and so having to depend on these things upset him.

Now, TB is in a situation where he needs surgery but has to lose weight first. He is in pain all the time...and he's using Rich's cane. He doesn't like it. We've just gotten a handicapped sticker for the car and although these are things that help TB, he doesn't particularly like having to use them.
When he first got out of the hospital, he was sleeping an awful lot, almost around the clock. His legs weren't better and the pain was intense.

You can understand why it was like that Yogi Berra expression "it's like deja vu all over again" for me.

I am less scared now because TB does seem better. I am not half obsessed with the thought that he's going to die too anymore. We've had a long hard year just like the long hard year Rich and I had but I think the difference is that the outcome is going to be different. I have hope in my heart.

Now if we could just pay the damn bills.

Wednesday Sundries

Theme for Hump Day Humor

Thirteenth Edition

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

~School Employees~

Of course, the first cartoon I thought of was Calvin and his long suffering teacher--and principal. I hope all these gifs work!





Here's what happened to Michelangelo's David after a tour in America. Apparently there were too many stops at McDonald's.




What does a doctor do when he doesn't know what else to do with a patient? I guess every doctor runs out of ideas sooner or later, some sooner and some keep trying until much later. We've had a couple of doctors throw their hands into the air about TB on the same day and it's very depressing.

The first guy has been TB's doctor for like 20 years. I've never been all that impressed with him and it turns out he missed TB's high sugars and the fact he had diabetes. That, for me, would have been the end of that. Anyway, he's been following TB all these years and initially started out treating the leg infection. I was surprised he didn't send TB to the ER from the get-go but tried to get rid of it with antibiotics. Well, to make a long story longer, he did eventually tell us to go to the hospital.

Don't doctors have admitting privileges? There've been times in the past when Rich or I were admitted by phone to a hospital and bypassed the ER entirely. Anyway, after spending three days in the hospital and then (strange coincidence) being suddenly discharged after searching for a bariatric bed came up, TB was instructed to get in touch with his primary care physician a week out of the hospital.

After a week, TB was still in agony. His legs were still red, swollen and painful inspite of the antibiotics he was still taking. His back was still hurting and the drug he's prescribed, opana, wasn't really helping anymore.

First we wanted to see the doctor but when we called for an appointment, he wasn't available. The nurse went to see if he wanted to squeeze us in, schedule for another day, or see another doctor. Normally this guy would have squeezed us in so I was surprised when the nurse said he wanted us to see the nurse practitioner.

So we did. TB told her everything that had happened she she had an idea but she wanted to run it by the doctor. I could hear them talking in the hall and it was clear the doctor wanted to pass TB along to the infections specialist who'd seen him in the hospital and recommended the lymphedema therapy. I started to feel angry. Our discharge instructions said to see the primary care physician, not some new doctor.

The nurse practitioner came back and didn't say another word about her idea, just encouraged us to follow through with the physical therapy (we already had an appointment set up for that) and to see the new guy. When we left, TB said there was no way he was going to some new doctor.

Our next appointment that day was with the pain specialist and when TB mentioned the opana wasn't working anymore he threw his hands up too and said TB would be better off going to a pain center. He gave us UMDNJ of Stratford and so we called there...but we can't get an appointment for TB there until the pain doctor sends over all the records andTB must have at least a 3 month documented history with this doctor. I sure hope he does or the information is useless.

Don't you love doctors like that?

We're going to be getting a new primary--I sure am not going back to that guy. A nurse practitioner would be fine--they seem more in tune with patients anyway.

And I got the number of the Rothman Institute, which is an orthopedic speciality place and am trying to get TB in to see them. Maybe they'll listen and attend him without getting fed up after just a couple of visits. :P

Easy Like Sunday Morning: House Play

So in the words of it's too good to be true, I learn that the reverse pin idea to notify the police you're in trouble is something of a hoax, a good idea in possible development but one that's not working. It figures. Now that all the bad guys know about it, this is an idea that would have to be abandoned anyway, I'm sure.

My mood: bleh. It's not that I am having a bad weekend. Actually we had a lot of fun with grandson Tomas yesterday and I will be sharing pictures from that. My tummy's freaking out on me, though, and I haven't really great news to report about TB ... like, oh boy! He's feel better!

The truth is...he's not. He's not any better than he was before he went into the hospital. He's still in a lot of pain and feeling miserable. How do you write about that in a new light day after day without sounding like a broken record or whiny or what have you? Neither of us likes to sound that way. I wish I could say that all the rest is helping and that the pain meds are working but I can't. We just have to keep on keepin' on until he can have the weight loss surgery, not to be scheduled not until July. It's going to be a long 6 weeks or so.

And now onto cheerier things, that which takes our minds off our misery: cats.

Mouse loves the second story of his tent. He's always trying to entice us to play with him and it's so hard not to. We usually do stop to play with him.





Soon I realized it was just easier to turn on the video button of the camera!





Want more weekend cat blogging? Check out:

Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos will be hosted by the Bad Kitty Cats Journal this weekend

Carnival of the Cats will be hosted by Artsy Catsy

Weekend Cat Blogging will be hosted at Chey's Place

And for all the latest, Blogging Cat Noos!

Cats On Tuesday: Two Cool Cats Reunited

Yay, TB is home from the hospital under some oddball circumstances but that's okay. We missed him so much!

Why oddball? Well, originally the doctor said he needed to be in the hospital 5 days and so we thought he wouldn't be coming home until later this week. However, poor TB hasn't been able to get much rest because of the pain in his back and legs. The nurse decided to try and get him a bariatric bed...and the next thing we knew, he was being discharged at 2 yesterday afternoon!

His legs are still red and pain him but he's on antibiotics and we're scheduling him to see an lymphedema therapist ASAP.


Suddenly Kosmo showed up. Is that Daddy? he seemed to be saying.


Kosmo and Daddy Bean were very happy to see each other again!




This joyful reunion is one part of our Cats on Tuesday. The other is this very clever youtube video my friend Dawn sent to me. I think everyone will get a kick out of it!



More Cat Blogging? Check out My Cats and Funny Stories for more Cats on Tuesday and

Blogging Cat Noos for all the latest!

Have a great Tuesday everyone, we will now that TB's home and Kosmo's happy again!

Insomnia, Pain, Bariatric Surgery & Sleep Study

As usual, here it is 4 in the morning and I am sitting in front of my old friend the computer. I am unable to sleep because of insomnia caused by stress and pain. It's time to do something about it and the first step is to attend this seminar on weight loss surgery. TB and I know about the risks of gastric bypass and that is what we don't want. Too many people we know died from that surgery.

We are interested in the less invasive lap band procedure. I've got a whole bunch of questions to ask throughout the whole thing. Some questions only I can answer; some only the doctor or facility can.

If I lose weight, it will decrease my pain because there won't be so much stress on my joints. If I lose weight my slee apnea will decrease. I know what to do in terms of the right food to eat--it's just that I'm in too much pain to exercise. If I could get to a point where I could walk, bike or swim without being in pain all the time then I can exercise and lose even more weight. So here goes!

Oh and while I'm talking about health, here are a couple pictures of my daughter wired up for her sleep study.



Here she is, all wired up and ready for the test to begin. The wires all go to machines that monitor her brain activity, pulse, pluse-ox, whether she kicks her legs or grinds her teeth and so on. First there was an overnight study, basically to determine if she had sleep apnea. If she does, it's really mild! The next part of the test was to have her take 5 naps at different times of the day t o see how sleepy she was. Hope we get some results back soon!

And the next picture is a puzzle, just a little different from the first picture! Enjoy!

P.S. Well, rats! I couldn't post the code here for some reason...but here's the URL for it anyway!

Puzzle

A New Puzzle

Quick update: TB and I both went to a new pain management doctor--we like him very much! He confirmed that yes, I do have fibromyalgia, gave me a shot of cortisone in the base of my right thumb (the joint was very inflamed) and is sending me for an MRI because I might have disk problems which are causing the troubles I'm having with my legs and feet. So it goes.

Puzzles like this help distract me! I think you have to have Flash Player but I'm not sure...please let me know if you have any troubles with it!

Create your own puzzles at PuzzleBee.com!

Stress and Chronic Pain Are Baaaaad For You!

I knew all about chronic stress being bad for you. When you are under stress, your levels of cortisol increase. Cortisol helps you in an emergency--it's very much involved in the "fight or flight" response." But it can be a particularly nasty hormone that wreaks havoc with your ability to use insulin properly...in other words, you get fatter from it even if you don't overeat. It raises your blood pressure. It messes with your thyroid function. It does all these things if your body doesn't come down from the "fight or flight" state. Your body has to have a recovery period and if it doesn't, bad things happen. I know all that and have been learning how to cope with heightened stress levels and learning how to relax.

I should have known that chronic pain would be very bad for you too--I mean, other than the fact that you hurt all the time. Here is an article I just read...and with my stress levels, I am sure I shouldn't have been reading it this time of the night!

The Brain Is Harmed By Chronic Pain
06 Feb 2008

People with unrelenting pain don't only suffer from the non-stop sensation of throbbing pain. They also have trouble sleeping, are often depressed, anxious and even have difficulty making simple decisions.

In a new study, investigators at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine have identified a clue that may explain how suffering long-term pain could trigger these other pain-related symptoms.

Researchers found that in a healthy brain all the regions exist in a state of equilibrium. When one region is active, the others quiet down. But in people with chronic pain, a front region of the cortex mostly associated with emotion "never shuts up," said Dante Chialvo, lead author and associate research professor of physiology at the Feinberg School. "The areas that are affected fail to deactivate when they should."

They are stuck on full throttle, wearing out neurons and altering their connections to each other.

This is the first demonstration of brain disturbances in chronic pain patients not directly related to the sensation of pain. The study will be published Feb. 6 in The Journal of Neuroscience.

Chialvo and colleagues used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to scan the brains of people with chronic low back pain and a group of pain-free volunteers while both groups were tracking a moving bar on a computer screen. The study showed the pain sufferers performed the task well but "at the expense of using their brain differently than the pain-free group," Chialvo said.

When certain parts of the cortex were activated in the pain-free group, some others were deactivated, maintaining a cooperative equilibrium between the regions. This equilibrium also is known as the resting state network of the brain. In the chronic pain group, however, one of the nodes of this network did not quiet down as it did in the pain-free subjects.

This constant firing of neurons in these regions of the brain could cause permanent damage, Chialvo said. "We know when neurons fire too much they may change their connections with other neurons and or even die because they can't sustain high activity for so long," he explained.

'If you are a chronic pain patient, you have pain 24 hours a day, seven days a week, every minute of your life," Chialvo said. "That permanent perception of pain in your brain makes these areas in your brain continuously active. This continuous dysfunction in the equilibrium of the brain can change the wiring forever and could hurt the brain."

Chialvo hypothesized the subsequent changes in wiring "may make it harder for you to make a decision or be in a good mood to get up in the morning. It could be that pain produces depression and the other reported abnormalities because it disturbs the balance of the brain as a whole."

He said his findings show it is essential to study new approaches to treat patients not just to control their pain but also to evaluate and prevent the dysfunction that may be generated in the brain by the chronic pain.

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Article adapted by Medical News Today from original press release.
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Chialvo's collaborators in this project are Marwan Baliki, a graduate student; Paul Geha, a post-doctoral fellow, and Vania Apkarian, professor of physiology and of anesthesiology, all at the Feinberg School.

For more information on Dante Chialvo visit: http://www.chialvo.net/index.html

Source: Marla Paul
Northwestern University

Article URL: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/96328.php

Main News Category: Pain / Anesthetics

Also Appears In: Depression, Neurology / Neuroscience, Sleep / Sleep Disorders / Insomnia,

Between the yapping neurons in my cerebral cortex and the river of cortisol flowing through my body, I am curious to know what my brain would look like! I'm beginning to understand fibro fog a lot better!

Good and Bad

Ann at Zoolatry made this lovely banner for us that we're going to use for March and maybe beyond. I just luff it! Thank you Ann!

TB had an EMG today and it turns out he's got nerve damage in his back going down to his right leg. We already knew he has permanent damage in his right leg. I don't know if they'll do the third epidural or not now. The doctor was saying he needs to go talk to a surgeon but that he probably won't be able to get a procedure done until he loses weight first. :(

What's New, aka Why I Love Cat Blogging (TT#8)

Thirteen Things about What's New With Us 1. TB had his second epidural yesterday and while it went off without complications, he feels worse today than he did before the shot. We've heard this is normal and that he might feel this increased misery for two days. The doctor injected 1/3 more steroid than he did before hoping to make the shot work. The downside is that TB has to watch his sugar level as steroids wreak havoc on them. 2. The doctor also had TB schedule an EMG (this is a nerve test) so that he could identify the exact nerve being pinched. An EMG can be very uncomfortable and painful. I had one for my hand. Not fun. 3. Linda was supposed to get a new used car from a Ford dealership, signed the paperwork and overnight they changed their minds, refunded her money and said we can't help you. I don't know what happened there but then she went to another place, a buy here pay here, and picked out what seemed to be a nice Mercury Sable. When she drove it home, though, it rocked in park. It went to keep going. The following day, the engine light came on and the car continued to try and drive in park. She's having the car looked at now and trying to get her money back...good luck! :P 4. My doctor has been adjusting my meds and so my moods have been up and down like a see saw. Cymbalta does a better job treating my arthritis and fibromyalgia pain than I gave it credit for because I could barely move for a couple of days. I'm taking my usual amount of Cymbalta again as a result. 5. It seems our Little T has developmental speech apraxia and right now the goal is to teach him sign language. That may be his primary mode of communication although getting him additional speech therapy would help. We're looking into that 6. Bill collectors are beginning to call us now instead of our infamously financially delayed family member who shall go nameless in this post :P. We tell them TB has been on disability since September and that the state has been careless about getting checks to us in a timely manner. Meanwhile, the amount is 1/3 of what he used to make. 7. My mom is still having major problems with her computer and unfortunately, I can't diagnosis the trouble over the phone...but we have so much going on here, we can't get down there either 8. My brother applied for a better job that we're praying he gets although it'll probably mean a major move for him 9. Kristin got a job at Six Flags Great Adventure *is this necessarily a good thing? I'm not sure...) and is busy trying to save up money so she can go to a dude ranch with her friend's family in May 10. Heidi still seems to have no insurance :( 11. Tomas spontaneously asked for milk the other day. Normally I'd ask him, "Are you thirsty?" or "are you hungry?" and he'd shake his head 'no' or say "yeh!" But this time, he turned to me and signed "milk" and then headed to the refrigerator. Communication breakthrough! YAY! And he always looks so happy when he makes himself understood. So this is a very good piece of news 12. Last Thursday, TB and I were sitting down to watch Lost and Sox jumped up on the couch with us. TB was snacking on jalapeno Doritos which are very spicy and Sox took a chip out of his hand and crunched it down! If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it! We knew he should not eat such spicy stuff so TB quickly shut his bag. That did not stop Sox. I had sour cream and onion chips and was still sitting with one in my hand, frozen with disbelief and laughter, and the little kitty took it right out of my fingers and chomped it down too! There are NO chips for anyone tonight! I wish I'd had my camera out! 13. Cubby has been making more and more appearances, staying out longer and coming over to say hello. I've actually gotten a chance to pet him several times for a few moments each before he'd dart back under the bed or into the closet. He's really coming around! Now, if you read the first 10 on my last and then the last 3 you'll understand why I love cat blogging (and grandson blogging) best. Cat blogging is fun and takes my mind off our troubles. Happy TT!

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thursday thirteen

You Know You're Spending Too Much Time At The Doctors' ....

...when you start bringing a camera and taking pictures!


I can't believe you're doing this!

Yesterday we took Kristin to the sleep specialist for a consult about her persistent and increasing insomnia.


This is what I typically look like waiting first in the waiting room and then in the exam for for which ever doctor we're seeing.


This is what boredom will drive a patient to do when they've been to one doctor or another half their lives in the space of one week. Or maybe it's the pain killers. TB says to me, "You're not smiling!"


"CHEESE."

Here is a slideshow of what boredom and lack of sleep while waiting for the doctor to appear will do to a teenager. Heh.

The results of all this are that Kristin gets to keep a sleep log for 2 weeks and will be scheduled for a day-and-night sleep study to try and figure out what is going on. We also got lots of information about relaxation techniques and restless leg syndrome.

Last night, I had a bout of insomnia. I didn't want to take my mother's little helper because I knew I would be up in less than 8 hours. TB's spinal epidural was scheduled for 8:15, it's an hour's drive away, and we were supposed to be there by 7:45. So I laid there for an hour, willing myself to feel sleepy (it was almost midnight when I went to bed in the first place) and then I felt my legs start to wiggle and dance. I was getting bored and restless so I sat up and read for another hour.

TB woke up at that point and we prayed together. We've been under so much stress with everything going on. That helped and I finally fell asleep. And before I knew it, we were on our way to yet another doctor, this time at Mercer-Bucks outpatient surgery center.

Here is what it looks like to be really nervous about a procedure but doing your best to overcome that.



I tried to give TB an idea of what to expect. I had a spinal epirdural when my tubes were tied and I imagined that the procedure was different only in that the doctors would be injecting a steroid, not anesthesia. Still, it's hard to be reassured when you've never had one.


Enough already!

The week is half done and we have just our session with Susan in front of us, thank God.

And thank God, the epidural went well. TB should feel some relief within 72 hours. We've got a plan going for Kristin's insomnia. And Little T's surgery went very well, too so we have much to be grateful for. Praise the Lord!

A Quick Update

Well, time sure flies if you're having fun...or not. It flies! Was it really almost a week ago we were just getting our minds wrapped around the idea that Christmas was actually around the corner? Now it's going to be a brand new year!

I'm just curious and would be thrilled if anyone would care to leave a comment to answer: what were you doing 10 years ago? I was totally living in another state--state of mind, state of the union. We were living in Maryland. People I loved hadn't yet passed from the world: my uncles John and Bob and my first husband Rich. I couldn't begin to conceptualize my kids in high school, never mind college. And so it goes...

But the last 10 years have brought blessings, good times as well as bad and sad times.

Most recently, here is what's going on with our gang near and far:

TB just started a new pain med which is helping to take the edge off everything. Thank God. It's tough to suffer chronic pain but it's very very hard to watch someone you love suffer and be unable to do anything to stop it. It's also very tough to deal with some people who just don't "get it" and think that you can tough out this type of pain. I guess you have to suffer that type of intense pain to really get it when a loved one says, "I can't come see you today. I hurt too much." I'm talking about certain family members here and that's all I'll say about that.

Right now I'm not feeling pain and I'm totally grateful for the respite. I need to get back on track managing my diabetes and weight though.

Billy and Linda are both working at the same place which helps now that Linda doesn't have a car. Heidi and Kristin are doing just fine.

I'm worried about the grandboys. Nikolas in TN is fine as far as I know and we just got a totally cool picture of our little Taylor in her cheerleader uniform. I framed it already but want to take it out so I can scan it and show her off. The three grandsons I'm worried about are all having health issues.

Brandon had his gall bladder out, had an infected finger and is feeling better but there's some concerns that need to be addressed. And Ryan's cholesterol came back high and so he's scheduled to see a nephrologist. It seems to me that he might have protein or albumin or something in his urine for him to have to go see a specialist like that. These guys are just 13 and 11, a bit young to have all that going on.

And our little T has a lot of fluid in his ears which is probably interfering with his ability to hear and speak. He's having new tubes and an adenoidectomy in a couple of weeks.

It's always something.

Here's some more pictures from our holiday--these were taken just before and on Christmas Day.



Our Christmas 2007