It was like deja vu all over again

Now that TB's legs are feeling a little better, I feel like I can talk about this. I've sort of kept it bottled up for what will become obvious reasons.

In 2001, my first husband Rich was hospitalilzed in April. His health, which had been more or less stable since his heart surgery in 1987, had begun declining about a year earlier. He was in constant pain. He had a fallen arch already and we learned that his knee needed to be replaced...but he needed to lose weight first. Does this sound familiar? Anyway, he was working on losing the weight when he began to have episodes of atrial fibrillation and had to go into the hospital.

Once he got out of the hospital, he was sleeping almost completely around the clock--even at work. They liked him so much there though they tolerated it. He got himself a cane and a handicap sticker for the car although he was almost ashamed of both...he was used to doing everything on his own and so having to depend on these things upset him.

Now, TB is in a situation where he needs surgery but has to lose weight first. He is in pain all the time...and he's using Rich's cane. He doesn't like it. We've just gotten a handicapped sticker for the car and although these are things that help TB, he doesn't particularly like having to use them.
When he first got out of the hospital, he was sleeping an awful lot, almost around the clock. His legs weren't better and the pain was intense.

You can understand why it was like that Yogi Berra expression "it's like deja vu all over again" for me.

I am less scared now because TB does seem better. I am not half obsessed with the thought that he's going to die too anymore. We've had a long hard year just like the long hard year Rich and I had but I think the difference is that the outcome is going to be different. I have hope in my heart.

Now if we could just pay the damn bills.