Here's Looking At You, Kid

When a widow and a widower marry, one of the things that they understand is that there will always be love for the spouse who died. The issues we cope with are totally different than the ones divorced folks cope with. I always think about Rich on those "special" anniversaries and always will and thank God, TB understands because he does the same with his first wife Audrey.

I just posted about my feelings of "deja vu" all over again. I've been thinking about Rich a lot over the last few days, not only because of the striking similarities between him and TB but also because he died at this time of the year.

This picture is the last one I have of Rich. It was taken on Easter Sunday in 2001, a beautiful and warm day. We decided to go to Jones Beach with the kids that day and one of them took the picture of us relaxing together while they romped in the ocean.

Rich was my first true love, a soul mate, my best friend and the other half of my heart. He was a shy man but very loving and very generous. He was all about family and had a very strong work ethic. We both loved to watch old movies together and although he enjoyed reading as I did, his eyes were frequently too tired in the evenings. We used to car pool to work together and I'd drop him off. He always signed "I love you" to me as a I was puling away. During the day, we'd call or email each other.

He liked to dream about retirement and the things we could do together once we could stop working. He died too young. He was only 40.

He was diagnosed with Marfan syndrome and cardiomyopathy/heart failure in 1987. Originally, he was given five years but his condition improved dramatically a year after his surgery. He still had heart failure, though, and that did affect him emotionally. After all, he was just a young man, 29 years old. I don't think he ever really believed he would "last so long" as he once put it. His exact words were, "I would have taken better care of myself if I'd known I was going to last this long."

I think he did the best he could under the circumstances. I am grateful and feel blessed for the time I did have with him.

I believe he's still around me. I believe that he brought me to TB and for that, I am also grateful.

Some people don't find love once in this life. To find a great love once is a miracle. To find it twice--well, that is a miracle of major proportions. I am very blessed because I've had Rich in my life and now I have TB, who is my soul mate and my best friend, and the other half of my heart which grew back from the scar left by Rich's passing. Life is good in spite of all the pain and the challenges.

Here's looking at you, Rich.
August 4, 1960 - May 23, 2001