No Empty Nest Blues

TB and I are struggling with the blues today. It's not just the financial stuff. There's a lot of stuff going on.

Is 25 and 30 the new 18 and 21? I've heard of "empty nest syndrome"...parents missing their adult children who've moved out on their own or to college. I've also heard of the boomerang generation--adult kids who've been out for a while and then come home. Now there's this latest trend...adult children who don't leave home.

When Kristin ages out of social security in June 2010, TB and I won't be able to afford the mortgage on this house unless we both have good jobs. Maybe we will, by then. Who knows? But if things stay the way they are, we'd have to put the house on the market spring of 2010. I know we've talked about that in front of the kids before so imagine my surprise when Heidi went into freak out mode about it Monday.

It turned into a real drama. She was sure she'd never be able to save up to move out on her own because she had to give us "everything" she makes. She's going to be stuck working at Shop Rite the rest of her life and will have to live in her car.

Well, I tried reasoning with her. We went to DVR (Division of Vocational Rehabilitation) to get her some help and hopefully by then she'd be back in school and working at a different job, one that she enjoys. Heidi countered that the counselor emphasized counseling which she does not want--although she desperately needs it!

As for having to give us "everything", I suggested she buy her own car insurance, phone and food. And as for school, she dropped the ball on that one by not going to financial aid and seeing her counselor. She screamed, "You expect me to know how to do everything!"

But...I've already been to the college with her to pick a schedule and talk to counselors and told her to google for insurance--why doesn't she remember how to do that? Is it the bipolar or learned dependence?

TB says to me, "I feel doomed. We'll never be alone in our own home."

Is he right?

We said to Heidi and Bill that if we were to stay on in this big house, we'd need more income. Heidi freaked out again--oh no, she'd have to work two full time jobs, never go back to school and so on. Bill took it logically and said divided five ways, it could be done. He's right...but do we want to?

The kids don't respect our house. Their rooms are totally trashed and we've just learned to pick our battles and not fight over that. The biggest battle is keeping the mess from migrating downstairs. They don't keep either bathroom clean and it's embarrassing. The other day, TB went around the family room picking up dirty laundry hidden here and there. It's not like it gets accidentally left out. Hiding it shows they knew it was wrong. Getting them to help us with chores is an ordeal.

So...why would we want to stay in the big house? Yet it's a nice house and fixed up the way we like it.

We swing back and forth between wanting to stay and wanting to run away. It really is very depressing. :(