Sunday, May 29

When medication quits working

A big part of my arsenal in my "war" with depression is the medication. The other part is self talk and support but when the medication fails, sometimes the other things aren't enough. I noticed I wasn't feeling very well over the winter months but I figured that was just all the stress that's always there.

As soon as the spring semester started, I immediately felt overwhelmed and tired or sleepy all the time. I didn't look forward to going to classes and two of them most related to my education major! I looked at all the work that was expected and wondered if I could do it. TB was so encouraging and supportive. I didn't feel reassured however.

I felt dread about going to class. I felt sad and overwhelmed and all I wanted to do was just stay in bed. Luckily I'd learned some of the self talk over the years to cope with a bout of depression and I just kept getting up. I also talked to my doctor about what was going on and told him I felt so overwhelmed I just wanted to quit.

He said my anti-depressant must have stopped working and wanted to add another, wellbutrin. He said it worked on a different receptor than the Prozac and hopefully the two together would work to make me feel better. I figured I'd give it a try. One of the psychiatrists I saw over the years explained that my depression is biological and that the medication for it is like insulin for diabetes.

Now what I'd say to myself was, it takes a month for the medication to kick in. Just keep going until then I'd also tell myself see how your grades are after the midterm and then decide. Well, I got all A's so poor grades was not going to be a reason to quit! TB was also still encouraging and supporting me so I struggled through some tough weeks but stuck it out.

Not long after the midterms, my mood began to lighten up and I didn't feel so wrung out and hopeless. The medication finally started working. I made it to the end of the semester and am so glad I hung in and didn't quit. The struggle was worth it.

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