Happy Anniversary

TB and I have been married six years today. Six years! It goes so fast...and yet, it feels like we've always been married. How can that be, when we were married so long to spouses we loved so much? And yet it is.

I didn't think I would ever marry again after Rich died. How could I? He was the love of my life. Yet, I was lonely for the sound of a man's voice, the touch of a man's hand and the opinions of a man. I have so many supportive female friends and I wouldn't have gotten through it without them but it's different.

I wanted a pen pal friend, I decided. I didn't want to date. I wanted a friend at a safe enough distance that we could become friends without the pressure--or the dismay (for me)--of romance. I signed up with match.com to try and find a pen pal.

Well...first of all, guys didn't especially want to be pen pals. Most of the guys my age were looking for women much younger and they were looking for relationships. Because they were looking for relationships, they didn't want to hear from someone 100 miles away. I did find a couple, though, but for one reason or another the pen friendships didn't last.

I got very discouraged. I decided to quit. Match.com was understanding about it and said that since my membership was paid up through the end of January, they'd continue to send me profiles but wouldn't renew the contract. So I resigned myself to deleting profiles as they came in.

I took a pause before I deleted one profile. A kind face looked out at me and he had a startling resemblance to Rich in that he had a mustache and goatee and blue eyes like Rich had. He was a big man like Rich was. I considered writing to him for about five seconds and then thought no! I'd just be trying to replace Rich and hit that delete button.

Meanwhile, I was becoming more withdrawn and depressed, even avoiding my female friends. I was even ditching therapy appointments. I realized that I was falling into a very deep well and when I lost my job, I had to do something to start climbing out. I got a call from one of those time share resort places in Orlando, offering a vacation for a family of four and I took it. I made plans to go with the kids around Easter.

Then in January, that profile I'd seen a couple months before reappeared in my mailbox. Just as I was about to hit delete again, I heard or felt a voice in my head urge, "Give him a chance." I thought it was Rich. And so instead of deleting the profile, I wrote to the man who called himself "tinnocker". It was, of course, TB.

He was agreeable to a pen friendship and we hit it off right away. He was not only intelligent, articulate and knowledgeable about things other than sex, he was also very creative! He was always sending me adorable little Calvin gifs or other little animations that made me laugh. I went out of my way to look for gifs to send back to him. I would get his email first thing in the morning (he'd send them before leaving for work) and he'd get mine when he came home from work.

When it came time to go on the trip to Florida, I thought: why not meet him? He's on the way. By this time, we were talking on the phone for hours at a time and I found myself falling in love with his voice. We agreed to meet at a McDonald's off the New Jersey turnpike.

We pulled into the parking lot at about the same time. I found him very attractive, with a sweet smile and big broad shoulders. I could see that he was shy and I was feeling nervous so I grabbed his hand and held it as we went into the restaurant. We got lunch and started talking. The kids were there with us, probably wondering what this was all about although I'd told them about TB.

One hour stretched to two and the kids were getting restless. We walked back to our cars and the kids got in. TB said, "Can I steal a kiss?" and so I kissed him and it felt so wonderful. Of course, the kids wanted to know about that for a couple of hours and I explained to them that our friendship seemed to be developing into a relationship.

"It's your life, mom," they said. "Do whatever to make you happy."

From Florida, I called TB frequently and we arranged to have dinner on the way back home. I got to meet his adult daughters, son-in-law and grandchildren. I could tell that there was some tension coming from my kids and his kids and they were all checking us out.

That didn't matter. We began dating long distance for a couple of months and then decided to elope. Why? We both knew how uncertain life is and so we decided not to wait for our happiness together.

We didn't elope though. We got married in a lovely little gazebo in the town where TB lived, overlooking a lake. His friend married us and our immediate families were there. One of my friends, Nancy and Jeff and their daughter, came from Pissburgh and Rich's father and stepmother came from Pennsylvania. It was a lovely wedding.

It's hard to believe it's been six years. It just goes so fast. Happy Anniversary to the love of my life now, TB.