I had a long talk with Heidi around lunch time. We met at Burger King (neutral ground) to talk about what's going on. I hadn't seen her since she went slamming out of here on Saturday.
Meanwhile, TB and I had come up with a contract for the adult kids living here that basically stated what we expected in terms of behavior, room & board, and chores and we emphasized throughout that verbal abuse would not be tolerated. Anticipating that Heidi would still be living here, we added in her contract that we'd contact crisis intervention and the police if things got out of control. We made up one agreement for Billy and one for Heidi so that she wouldn't feel like we were singling her out.
I don't think now she plans to come back. Right now she is staying with her friend Marianne and she may have a good deal going. She told me that the parents haven't asked her for rent money and said she could stay with them as long as she needed to. So...why would she come back knowing she'd need to pay us room & board *and* do dishes besides?
She is putting a lot of the blame on TB and taking very little of the responsibility for herself although she says she is "better" now that she is "not getting yelled at all the time." She didn't react when I said that her anger and tantrums scared us and stressed us out and that on Mondays and Wednesdays (her dish nights) I just want to hide under the bed.
I feel sad and glad at the same time. I do miss her but I don't miss the bad behavior. I love her but not the screaming, cursing and name calling.
She wanted to make sure she was still welcome at home if she wanted to visit and I said, of course.
She doesn't want to decide one way or the other yet. She knows if she moves out she will have to get her own car insurance and phone. If she's not going to be charged anything she'll be able to afford it on what she makes. If she does decide to move back, she knows she'll have a contract to follow.
I have very mixed feelings. I want her to be happy.