I was going to list more of my favorite songs from my teen years but decided to postpone posting it. Lately, I've had to revisit and rework that first step of twelve--this is the one that talks about powerlessness. I am completely powerless over the actions of another and my life is unmanageable when I try to control anyway. I decided it would help to list the situations I can't control.
Tomorrow we're going to Maryland. My mother needs to have someone come in and help her on a regular basis. I mean someone other than my brother who is being run ragged and wouldn't be able to do all the things a home health care aide or companion could do. My brother and I will get together first and then talk to Mom.
I can't control:
1. how she'll react to seeing me for the first time since November, just before I was hospitalized. Will she behave? Will she attack? I can only control my own reactions.
2. how she'll react to the idea of a home health care aide or nurse come into her home
3. how other family members will react to one of us not taking her back into our homes even though it just didn't work
I also can't control:
4. Bank of America Home Lending. I can't make them competent nor can I make them compassionate.
5. My kids' moods nor their motivation to do things
6. Others' parenting skills, or lack thereof
7. Whether or not a loved one follows through on advice
8. Whether or not someone gets involved in expensive scams
9. Whether or not a loved one can detach with love
10. Whether or not an adult loved one acts responsibly
And I can't control:
11. How others respond to the things I say
12. How others express their wants and needs
13. How others react to me
Every day, I try to remember and work through this step. It's got to be the hardest one of all for me.