Update

So yesterday I went to my therapist and she showed me the letter she's sending to Dr. Greenbaum. Everything looks cool so she's mailing it out and he should have it within a few days. Then I'll be calling Tina to schedule a surgery date. Wow! It seems unreal but yet exciting!

The other thing the therapist and I discussed was how to get my mind wrapped around dealing with my Heidi effectively. We had another incident where she came in and nearly ruined Kristin's birthday party with her bullying and complaining.

Heidi came in from work around 9 and Kristin's party was going along very nicely in the family room. Heidi'd invited her friend Marianne over and the two of them went into the room. The other kids started setting up DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) and I heard Heidi go off, "Oh no you are NOT playing that game now!" She complained quite loudly about it being a "boring" game and why hadn't they played it earlier?

So I called her out of there and she said, exasperated, that Kristin told her they wouldn't be playing that game when she came home. I said, but it's HER party and she can't schedule what's going to happen when. Heidi was taking the view that they put the game on now just because they knew it would aggravate her. I could not make her see that she was being unreasonable. She and Marianne watched TV with me for a while and then they decided to go out to Wawa.

After the guests left, the girls had a shouting match and Kristin was in tears. Heidi said this was all Kristin's fault for not warning her so that she could go to Marianne's house instead.

Isn't this totally unreasonable?

I should have called for intervention but I didn't. After everything I witnessed as a child, this didn't seem like a police matter...but maybe it was. The therapist thinks that when a crisis like that comes up I go emotionally frozen--that seems to be exactly what happens. So I asked TB to call crisis intervention next time as soon as he sees the need for it since I'm not good at recognizing these things.

TB and I need to come up with a contract Heidi has to follow with consequences if she breaks the rules. Three strikes and she has to leave. TB sent me some articles about adult children living at home as well as an example contract. I really liked the example and it occurred to me that we could have Bill sign one too to lessen Heidi's negative reaction to it (I am sure she's going to blow up and scream).

My therapist got me to recognize a couple of things. Heidi's behavior towards us is like that of a raging alcoholic. I am just as bullied into trying to smooth things over as I was when it was my mother raging around the house. On Monday, I emptied the dishwasher and did all the dishes in spite of the fact it was Heidi's day simply because I couldn't deal with her screaming and tantruming about how much she hates that chore!

I have to have the strength to do this and not keep sacrificing the emotional health of the other four of us in the house. It seems all my life issues continue to come up and bite my in the ass and it hurts so much more because Heidi is my own baby. I feel so blue.